La Pointe Courte
Agnès Varda - 1954

THE CAULDRON STOPS AND I SMILE

I wake up to a day where I question everything in my life. There's this cauldron on my shoulders instead of a head and it keeps boiling until there's nothing left in it. Always debating for the negative... I am only at peace when I'm around people. That makes me happy. Thinking about anything but me. I watch their laughs, their weird choices.

I leave my apartment to go to my favorite cafe. At the apartment door, I see my neighbor Selma and her dog Pasha, he always makes me smile. The cauldron starts to cool down. While I'm on my way, the smell of mahaleb from the Armenian bakery fills my nose. I remember we are close to Easter. I see old ladies of the neighborhood dressed up in their finest 2-piece and pearls for the Easter shopping. I smile. Even though they're slow, it never bothers me. I like following their steps and waiting for if they ask for a hand for their bags...

I finally arrive. My regular seat is free. I look at the waiter, he knows my order. He winks, I smile. On the wall there's this quote from La Pointe Courte by my beloved Agnes Varda: "They talk too much to be happy."

I talk too much to be happy.

There's this guy I see every week. He has a rainbow mask and is a lawyer. I heard him talking on the phone about getting a Kurdish protestor from the neighborhood out of the jail after the latest Pride walk. We have the same t-shirt. I smile.

Now it's late and I have to go back. I go and buy some vegetables from the fruiterer. He always says something nice when I don't use the plastic bags. I smile.

My apartment is dark. I get in there and lay on the couch without turning the lights on. The cauldron starts to boil again, until the next outing.